One Solitary Life
by Chiaroscuro
Summary: [One-Shot] A songfic from Tsuzuki's point of view based on a work of the same title - warnings for angst and spoilers (specifics in the prefacing Author's Notes). I hate songfics...


The shortest of short pieces - given rise by a little something called 'naming priority.' *sulks* Heh...evil stuff, that. I love Yami no Matsuei - but sadly, it doesn't (and likely never will) belong to me.  
  
This is a Songfic. Rated PG-13 for content...and Muraki general weirdness. You have been warned.  
  
SPOILERS!!!! = End of the Series = SPOILERS!!!  
  
Artist: Admiral Twin  
  
Album: Mock Heroic  
  
Title: One Solitary Life  
  
I lost myself in that one blinding, burning moment. That little girl...a corrupted innocence sent to destroy me. She was just a puppet. I couldn't face her as she was, a reflection of the evils that I had brought into the world. I'd seen too much of this before. Suzaku...why? What compelled you to burn away the innocence with the filth? Keep burning, Suzaku...I'm still here...the flames aren't hot enough.  
  
Daylight falls too hard.  
  
I can't believe my eyes, what...what have I done?  
  
Should've never lost control.  
  
I smashed away the good old days, and I can never go home.  
  
I wish that I could  
  
It's cold now...pity. Why did Suzaku stop? I'm not gone yet...the blight yet darkening the coming dawn. Muraki. I deserve this...this corrupting contact. His poisoned touch can make me no worse than I already am. Hold onto consciousness just a little longer...suffer, and be made the better for it. Don't let the mind wander...keep focused only on the humiliation, the shame.  
  
Tear out a page...  
  
Take back the words that got away.  
  
I'll take the blame  
  
For one solitary life.  
  
I'm alone now...still cold, with no one and nothing left to demand retribution. Something lingers in the back of my mind. I'm standing in a garden of white roses, their fresh, innocent perfume curling around me as I step carefully toward the clicking sound of shears. There's a boy there...trimming the blooms from the roses. "They'll grow stronger this way." Something isn't right...I look down, and each petal gleams with blood. The blood of the innocents that I slaughtered. "They'll grow stronger this way." Sacrifice the innocents, meant to be dead, in order to enrich the rest of the living. Even the scum...even those who deserve to die. Horror coils in the pit of my stomach. Is this...this atrocity...am I...did I really do this? Is this all that I have made of myself?  
  
Cold fright, something's wrong.  
  
I thought it was my right, what...what have I done?  
  
I can't mend what I've torn apart.  
  
I cut the line one last time,  
  
I stir from the cold stupor that he's kept me in...drugged and nearly unable to do one last, most important thing. I clutch the dagger with weakened muscles, my vision blurry from morphia and tears. I manage to stumble behind the silver-haired monster...the color of those sterile, dead, innocent roses. All cut before their prime. I pitch forward, driving the cold tooth of the blade into my adversary. He falls aside in shock...had counted me too far gone into myself to care anymore. He is right. I am too far gone. Too far to care. I raise my hands - palms upward - to summon the only creature that can release me from this non-life of death and endless nightmare.   
  
And now i've fallen too far.  
  
I wish that i could  
  
Touda descends in a fiery column. He is every inch the Aztec Quetzacoatl...the feathered serpent to whom bloody sacrifices were offered. Burn, Flames of the Serpent! Burn this wretched place and this wretched, beaten Shinigami...give me rest! I long for the oblivion of death...a final, lasting death.  
  
Tear out a page...  
  
Take back the words that got away.  
  
I'll take the blame for one solitary life.  
  
The heat builds steadily. I'll burn everything away...purify this envenomed retreat with Touda's fire. Burn brighter, Serpent! Consume and immolate! Incinerate and devour! I set you free to raze this place to the ground...set free the tortured spirits of those within this deepest circle of Hell!  
  
No excuse. No surprise.  
  
Morning has broken me down and cut me to size.  
  
What are they doing here? Watari and Tatsumi and...Hisoka? I don't want to burn them...but I need to free them of me and my sickness. I don't want to spread my pestilence...my plauge. I want to do this...I do it because I can, because I am the only one who can set myself free. Wait...what...Hisoka? Get away, Hisoka...please? I don't want you to burn...leave me. He says something, something that I hear even above the thundering roar of Touda's fiery presence, "Tsuzuki! I need you!"  
  
I wish that I could tear out a page...  
  
Take back the words that got away.  
  
I'll take the blame for one solitary life.  
  
One solitary life.  
  
He's hugging me. I...he...he needs me? Why? I'm...but I'm... Somehow I can't say it, can't even think it. Hisoka is not what I am...and he could never be...I never want him to be. If he's not...then that means...I'm...I'm sorry, Hisoka. It is far, far too late to stop the flames now...and everything ends as it must end....inevitably...as the shadows surround us.  
  
No place left to hide  
  
One solitary life?  
  
I've been awake for a while now. It's night...with a cool breeze, and the scent of cherry blossoms permeating the air. I'm still in a daze, and very much surprised to be alive. But...I'm needed. Hisoka walks beside me in the night. I think he's afraid to let me out of his sight...lest I try something like that again. Some moments...I think he is wise to worry. That is fading, however. As long as I am needed, I don't think I'll be able to leave so easily. We're partners.  
  
---  
  
A/N Yep. My first bit of -actual- fanfiction. Not really...it's more of an extra perspective from Tsuzuki. The anime, after all, focused on Hisoka. Please be patient while I reflect again on the many good qualities of this series - namely the art and plot.  
  
It's a songfic. I -hate- songfics! Someone please tell me why I just wrote one... I've remebered now. The usual plea for reviews applies - although I really don't blame you if you hit the 'Back' button. 


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